Control, please.

"I’ve been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand, could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man? These sensations barely interest me for another day, I’ve got the spirit, lose the feeling, take the shock away. " Ian Curtis.

And continuing with my obsession for Joy Division, yesterday I went to a 60’s inspired-very cool pub called Four Seasons, since Ian’s Curtis biopic was going to be shown there. I was very excited when I sat down with a cold beer and the lights turned off. The movie was entirely recorded black and white and in English, of course. I fell completely in love with the film, I really enjoyed it but I definitely can’t have an objective position about the film because I just love the band, Ian and anything related to Joy Division just amazes me. I still can’t understand how we were only four people at the bar watching the film. Well, actually it was only me watching technically the film because two of the four people were a couple and they were all the time smooching each other and the other person was smoking and drinking non-stop and I don’t really think that he was actually interested in the movie. Anyway, here it is some information about Ian Curtis’ biopic.

The film is directed by photographer and director of music videos and films Anton Corbijn, who has made the video for the song Atmosphere when Factory released in 1988 the compilation "Substance", a nice work in black and white.


The chosen one to play Ian Curtis has been the newcomer Sam Riley, the singer of the band 10 000 Things, replacing candidates such as Jude Law.
The role of the singer's wife is played by Samantha Morton and the band New Order is on the soundtrack reinterpreting tracks from Joy Division.
The film is expected to capture the spirit of the band, dense and tortured, and the singer’s suicide in 1980, turned their discography into one of the most important not only in the rock music but also in the music in general.

The funny thing is that the film is inspired by the memories of Ian’s widow (with whom he had a daughter) Deborah Curtis. The book name is “Touching From a Distance: Ian Curtis and Joy Division “and it was published by Faber in 1995. Is it said that the memories often borders on sensationalism more than highlights the romantic figure of the singer.


The wife recalled anecdotes and passages of her husband’s life which are a bit demystifying and the photos of the book (wedding, life in common, walks on the beach, etc.) bring a more everyday Ian Curtis, who used to go shopping and get drunk in the pub, something so far away from the myth.

His epilepsy, his physical problems and his ungainly figure contributed to create a tortured figure (remember his standard "Love will tear us apart") that also comes off badly in Michael Winterbottom's film "24 Hour Party People" about Tony Wilson, the Factory label and the independent music from Manchester in the early eighties.


It is also remarkable how the rest of the group members formed New Order, which became one referee of the dance music of the eighties. In their statements, they remember Ian Curtis as one more in the band but yes, with a tendency to depression and burdened with emotional problems.

But twenty-five years later, Joy Division remains one of the great icons of independent music and its influence does not stop and hopefully never will.

"Nothing seems real anymore. Even the flames from the fire seem to beckon to me, drawing me into some great past life buried somewhere deep in my subconscious, if only I could find the key...if only...if only. Ever since my illness, my condition, I've been trying to find some logical way of passing my time, of justifying a means to an end. " Ian Curtis.

DISORDER.

"Don't think I'd have stayed just for one more day, it seems so much like home, no room to go astray, don't think I could watch - with mindless, empty tasks, intake moving in, forced to walk a lonely path."

Completely obsessed with this band, recently. It’s not breaking news that Joy Division is one of the best bands of all time despite its short career in music industry, but I discovered them like a year ago and now I can’t even stop listening “Transmission”.

Joy Division rapidly evolved from their initial punk rock influences, to develop a sound and style that pioneered the post-punk movement of the late 1970s.
Around 1976 some kids in Manchester were looking for a vocalist for their group, Stiff Kitens. The members were Bernard Sumner, Peter Hook and Terry Mason and, one day during a Sex Pistols’ performance, they chose a guy wearing a black shirt that said “I HATE” at the back to become the lead singer. They did not make him an audition, they liked the guy; he was extreme and he wanted to do extreme things, extreme music. The guy was Ian Curtis.

In 1977, the band changed its name to Warsaw, based on a David Bowie's song called “Warsawa” and Terry Mason left the drums to become the manager. Tony Tabac replaced him on drums for the first live presentation of the band in May 77’. A month later, Tabac was replaced by Steve Brotherdaleand and the band recorded with him his first demo: The Warsaw Demo, five copies with five songs, one for each member and one for Mason. The relationship with Brotherdale was difficult and the group decides to leave him in August 77’. The new drummer was Steve Morris who became the permanent drummer. The band was already formed.

In October 77’ the band recorded the song “At a later date “ in Electric Circus for the live record “Short Circuit” and in December of that year they went to the studio to write songs for their first EP: An ideal for living.

To avoid confusion with the punk band Warsaw Pakt the group decides to change its name in 1978 for Joy Division. The name came from the novel “The House Of Dolls” by Ka-tzetnik 135633. The novella describes "Joy Divisions", which were allegedly groups of Jewish women in the concentration camps during World War II who were kept for the sexual pleasure of Nazi soldiers.

The band recorded their debut album "Unknown Pleasures" (1978), but it was rejected by them after the recording producers altered the record by mixing it with synthesizers.

On 14 February '79, Joy Division played at the BBC, where they recorded several songs for the famous John Peel program- subsequently it became known (and published) as “The 1st Peel Session”. This performance gave them a lot of publicity and in March of the same year they played as the support band for The Cure at the Marquee in London.

In April of the same year, the band decided to record "Unknown Pleasures", this time with the producer Martin Hannett and carried out with the Factory label.

On 31 August '79,they brought 1200 people together at the Electric Ballroom in London. That was the largest audience the band ever had.

On September 15, they appeared on television in the BBC program Something Else. The violent movements of the singer during the performance of “Transmission” and “She's lost control” impressed the audience. Soon they attract attention for other reasons. Curtis was suffering from epilepsy.

On 26 November, they performed again at the John Peel show where they recorded “The 2nd Peel Session”. One song was “Love Will Tear Us Apart” which soon became a classic of the band and one of the best known songs, "not recorded" in England: until April 10 of 1980 when it was released as a single, it could only be heard at concerts.

In March they recorded some material for their second album, “Closer” which single was “Love Will Tear Us Apart”. Curtis medical treatment did not help and his general condition seemed to get worse and worse as the agenda of the band increased. His attacks were continuing, even on stage.

On May 18 of 1980, a day before embarking on their long-awaited first U.S. tour, Ian Curtis was found hanged at his home. He was accompanied by “The Idiot” by Iggy Pop on his record player, a newspaper clipping which was marking a film by Werner Herzog, an ashtray full of cigarettes and a suicide note. He was just 24 years old.
Two months after his death, “Love Will Tear Us Apart” was a Top 10 of the UK charts and “Closer ", the album where you can see subtle references to the singer’s decision, sold hundreds of thousands of copies in Great Britain.

Oh when you look at me like that my darling, what did you expect?

There are days when you feel proud to live where you live and yesterday, was one of those days. These days when you feel privileged because I had been dreaming for so long to see the great band Arctic Monkeys performing live since I first heard them in 2005, long before they recorded their first album. Five years later and after becoming a huge Arctic Monkeys’ fan, they come nearby my town to perform in a free concert. What else could I ask for?

The truth is that the night seemed to be awesome, full of rock and roll (that's always great) and so it was. Furthermore, despite forecasts of rain, it only drizzled a bit in the afternoon. I arrived at the concert premises at about 17.15 with some friends and the site was already full of people wearing their umbrellas and fearing the worst, but fortunately, they didn’t need to use them. At some point, I noticed that some people had written some funny English sentences dedicated to Turner’s band such as Alex do me or Suck my d….. which I prefer not to write down here. In general, the atmosphere was very nice, you could almost feel people’s excitement and everyone was happy and amazed for what was about to happen. However, I have to say that although I saw people of all ages, I got impressed by the fact that there were too many 11-year-old-children unaccompanied by an adult. That surprised me in a very bad way, but at least, the night passed without an incident.

After nearly three hours of waiting, it was about 20:00 when eventually, MTV presenter Johann Wald came on stage to introduce the first band of the night, the Valencian Fuzzy White Casters. I already had heard about them a few weeks ago due to the fact that the drummer’s girlfriend is in the same class at the university as I am. But yesterday I was thrilled with those four guys who knew how to start a big show. They only played five songs (I remember that Polock did the same in the previous edition) but they did their best in those five songs, mixing indie rock and electronics in a masterly way and showing that there is no need to go to the British Isles to find great English rock groups.

The second band was almost a strangers to me, Lightspeed Champion. When I learned of the groups that completed the lineup of this year, I started to listen their records, watching videos on youtube ... and of the four bands, Lightspeed Champion was the least best in my opinion. I expected them to be better, with more energy on stage, but all the songs they played were very slow except a version of “It will not be long” from The Beatles that the truth is that it was one of the highlights of the night. Moreover, something really surprised me about this band and is the fact that the lead singer is a black person. Nowadays it is very difficult to find a rock band which its singer is color person, in fact, I can only think about two right now: Bloc Party and Ocean Colour Scene. It is also uncommon the fact that the bass and the drummer were women. I think that this is just great.

After Lightspeed Champion it was the turn of Mystery Jets, the band from London that I had seen performing eight days before. I have to say that I liked them more the night of MTV Winter than previously, and it was really nice to discover that many people around me knew their songs. They played some very energy songs and their performance was a decent opening for what was about to come, the rock explosion of the night, Arctic Monkeys.
After nearly half an hour of preparation with the stage filled with smoke so you could not distinguish the silhouettes of the Sheffield’s band going on stage, the chords of “Dance little liar” started to play. The band did a great show, playing their most popular songs like “When the sun goes down”, “Brianstorm”, “Fluorescent Adolescent” and, “I bet that you look good on the dancefloor” as well as some pieces from their new album as “Cornerstone” and the brilliant “Crying Lightning”. The end of the show was absolutely superb because I had spent all the night waiting for my favorite song “505” and it was played in the apotheosis of the closure. To me, it couldn’t have ended better. I have to do a special mention to Matt Helders, the drummer. I’ve never seen such an amazing demonstration of talent and in my opinion, he’s likely to become one of the greatest drummers in the history.
Well, that night was another great night of rock and roll and now I am much more fanatic about Arctic Monkeys than before( if this is possible according to my father). Maybe next year the garage rock band The Strokes will visit us; a new album is on the way…

Maybe not so good.

Of course, what I have just written was the good part of that night. This is what remains in my mind from the 2010 MTV Winter but I can’t deny the fact that I had a very bad time at some moments of the night.

First of all, it is not a great idea wearing your Converse to ANY concert. The thing gets worse if you wear your Converse in an Arctic Monkeys show, where you definitely are going to be pushed and tapped by people. But, it becomes the worst if the concert’s premises are flooded.

So, the situation was the following: before all the show started I had my feet under water and I was about to die from freezing. But, as I consider myself a very positive person, I naively thought that things couldn’t get worse, I mean, I was about to see live one of my favorite bands on stage.

And yes, the show started and my optimism level was considerably high taking into account that I couldn’t feel my feet anymore. But suddenly, in the middle of my enjoyment, one of the most disgusting things you can ever see and feel, just happened. A drunken English man vomited just right by our side. Maybe you are already imagining what happened to us, or rather, to our legs and feet. I’m not going to describe the sensation of having someone’s vomit in your body; only remembering the feeling makes me want to vomit too. The “funny” thing (now, funny not then, obviously) is that the show was not even in the middle of its duration, so we had to spend more than 3 hours with vomit in our feet.

But, I thought, “Oh c’mon, this is maybe the only occasion you have to see one of your favorite bands performing live, so don’t think anymore about your feet and just concentrate on having fun”, so that was what I thought for an entire hour. But, by the time Arctic Monkeys had to come out on stage, more and more people started to push us, as it usually happens in massive concerts. I’ve been lucky enough as to attend many concerts and, I have to say that, that night was so far, the worst concert-experience ever regarding to people’s attitude. At some point, people started to push even harder, just for bothering and annoying everybody. When the band came out, the situation got completely mental. Everybody started pushing towards the stage so heavily, that I almost fell down twice on the vomit puddle.

In general, the concert went right despite of the fact that I couldn’t move or breathe due to the massive amount of people around me, I lost my friends like a million times and my legs were having more and more vomit on. At least, the band played my favorite song at the end “505”, as I have previously said.

After the concert, I thought that the night could improve by going out to some club or two. Everybody agreed with the idea but there was one problem: we were still full of dirty. Luckily, one of my friends had an apartment in Valencia so we decided to go there, clean up ourselves and the just go to party. I was craving for clubbing. Can I just say that again? I NEEDED to go to some disco and get crazy after what I experienced at the MTV Winter =(. But apparently, the luck was not by our side because there was no taxi around and after we had been waiting for one, we decided to go on foot. An HOUR walking.

By the time we got home, I was absolutely tired and frozen. We cleaned up our legs and feet and while we waited for our clothes to get dry, some of my friends fell asleep so my party-clubbing plan vanished. I was so upset with the end of what seemed to be one of the best’s nights ever, that I decided to go to sleep and just forget all that stuff.

The following morning, I got up quite early, I picked up all my things and I got a train back to my hometown, Castellón.
So that was my not-so-funny part the night of the MTV Winter. Anyway, I had a great time and thanks to my bad luck, now I have a story to talk about.

Love, love, love...what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.

ANTHEA: “Oh! Seems that somebody likes you.”
PANDORA: “My boyfriend gave this to me. I only knew him for three days…Thomas…now he’s gone.”
ANTHEA: “But it was fun while it lasted, hmm? So much fun…”
PANDORA: “Yeah, it’s called love.”
ANTHEA: “Oh...that’s a big word.”
PANDORA: “I don’t know, four letters...…Ah.”

Yesterday afternoon, I had a very interesting and revealing chat with one of my best friends. We talked and rambled about love, relationships, emotions and how we like to complicate every little thing. I particularly found talking about all this stuff really corny, but I do love talking with this friend because we have conflicting thoughts about almost everything; everybody says that it’s hilarious seeing us arguing specially about these matters, and I always enjoy seeing other points of view that can make me think and question everything.
So, the thing is this: I have a very radical stance about love in relationships and over the years I am more and more convinced about my opinion. I don’t really think that love, as itself, exists actually. Of course, I am talking about love in couples not about other kinds of love as the one you can feel for your parents, sons or friends. I know that most people who may read this will think that this is so sad or that I haven’t live enough; I’m sick of hearing people telling me this all the time. But the truth is that it doesn’t matter how hard I try, every time I try to believe that yes, in fact love does actually exist, I face with the reality that I have been facing for all my life. This reality is very simple, but there is no doubt that it marked me so much that it made me be the way I am now. My parents got divorced when I was like 3 years old; it was a very traumatic experience for me, but it was even worse when they started to get on extremely badly with each other. They have been hating each other since then until today, after 16 years (unbelievable). I want to think that they did realized that I was in the f****** middle of everything, but actually they didn’t, because then I don’t explain how they allowed me to see all that hate between them. And my question is: how can you hate that much someone you have been crazy for? There must be something remaining there. Touché.
After that, my mom married again and got divorced again, and my father got married twice and divorced two times as well. None of these breaking ups were peaceful, of course. So there I was, growing up watching how my parents had love failures and telling me all the time that love was just a waste of time. And maybe they were right, I mean, in the end, love never lasts; daily routine and constant disappointments make love weaker over the years. One day, you find yourself wondering what the hell are you doing wasting your precious time next to somebody who doesn’t really makes you happy. As I once heard, can’t remember where exactly, at the precise moment when you ask yourself if you actually love that person, you have immediately stopped wanting her/him. I guess this is quite clear: when you are in love with someone you can’t even imagine that question, you are just feeling it.
So that is how I see it: people develop a crush on somebody just for a while but, love? Really? Let me doubt it. Furthermore, I think that well, it can be a good thing while you are super happy in love with your marvelous and loving boyfriend/girlfriend but as I see over and over again, people who are in love live in a permanent state of fear. They are afraid that their partner leave them for another person, because they got tired of him/her, or the worst in my opinion, you are just not good enough. I sick of listening to the friend who I mentioned above telling me how worried she is of losing her boyfriend and how insecure she feels about her since she started dating with him. I guess that nobody wants to get hurt. The funny thing is that they are very happy together, but anyway, the fear is hidden behind, right? Or maybe not. You never know what’s going on with feelings. What I definitely know is that I don’t want to feel miserable for nothing, I mean, there are so many things that are much more important that having love pain.
On the other hand, I constantly see those couples who apparently love each other. Then I can’t avoid starting wondering to myself, ok, what if IT does really exist? Just because I’ve never seen it around me, it doesn’t mean that love couldn’t be real. That is the endless argument I always have with everybody, especially with “oh-I’m-so-in-love-and-my-life-is-so-fantastic“ people. I would love to believe in love, so that I could understand so many things, but maybe my mind or myself are too plain to get it.
I feel like I’m going on and on for too long about this now, I’m even getting bored! (just kidding). In any case, I would like to end this thinking by saying that I’m very optimistic about all these things, I mean, even my mother, after all the incredibly bad luck she has had, is still believing that one day she will find the love in someone again. Maybe she’s right, or maybe not; one thing I know for sure, nobody wants to be alone. I’m on my way to believing.

“Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk, but

You, are, the only exception…”

Unlucky day...part 2.

Well, it seems that today I feel ‘strong’ enough to keep up with my story. So, I ended yesterday saying that I was going to attend my Chinese classes. I still can’t believe it, but, eventually I caught the right bus, in the right bus station, at the right hour, and (I still can’t believe it now) it took me to the right place, on time. ‘Hallelujahhhh!!! In the end I apparently was having a little bit of luck. Yay!!! J
How naïve I was. I thought for a second that I was actually being lucky, but then (believe it or not, but this is the absolute and only truth) the class was suspended due to the teacher’s sickness. I was about to kill myself. How could that being happening to me? I mean, I’m not a bad person, at all…at least not intentionally. I’m a friend of my friends, I buy sweets and candies to my siblings, I recycle as much as I can, and I’m against testing on animals….c’mon I even had good marks in my A-level exams!! So, did I really deserve THAT??!! No, for God’s sake, NO!
But then, as always, the worst part was coming, because as you’ve probably guessed by now, I missed the last bus to my house. No joking. It’s kind of funny when I think about that now. Oh no! It’s hilarious when I remember that, in my way home, it started raining and I had no umbrella ( but I had hundreds of handkerchiefs!!). So yes, I made my way back home under a heavy cold rain, but hey! No wind this time. That was progressing. And you can make your journey a bit happier with some music. Well, certainly you can’t if your mp3 player’s battery is empty. Great. But… you can always sing in the rain, right?
No, don’t panic. I didn’t. Too many strange looks at me that day.
Aha! And then, in the second most humiliating moment that day, I accidentally came across with the person I had a little crush on. That’s so perfect!! While I was waving to him, with a big smile and saying ‘hello!’, he didn’t even put his eyes on me. I mean, I’d rather him to hate me, at least he would realize that I exist and it won’t be so miserable to say ‘hi’ in the middle of the street to anybody. Anyway, a couple of dirty old men standing near me gave the salute back, so I can’t complain, can I?
By the time I got home, I was soaked (not as much as all my important, note that, IMPORTANT papers were, but anyway) and I felt that I was beginning having a severe cold. And……… voilá! My favorite part. Not then, obviously, but it is actually a great moment for a comedy film or just something that you’ll tell people and they are going to be laughing at you for the rest of your life: aha, I forgot my keys at home and nobody was in. Isn’t that just incredibly unreal? I mean, these things never happen in real life. Well, they do in my world. I remember thinking ‘I can’t believe this is happening, this must be a sort of punishment or something like that.’
How my unbelievable story ended? Well, I had to wait an entire hour for my mom to get home, in the freezing rain, with all my university stuff, and feeling terribly sick.
It’s not that bad if you compare this with REAL tragedies, now it is just a quite funny story, but in that moment I felt very miserable. Of course, I was sick for a long time, but luckily I didn’t get pneumonia or something worse, so…
That was my worst-luck-ever day. Since then I’ve been working on my luck and now I am able almost not to miss one bus in a day. I’m progressing!

There are days when it's better not to getting out of bed...

Ok, now, who on earth has the worst luck ever when it is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life? Well, apparently, I have. But no, it's not my intention to expose here all of my misfortunes, no, I’m decided to use this story as a kind of therapy, I don’t even care if this interest people or not, I just want to laugh at myself and my luck; I think is the best in the end and, an important lesson I’ve recently learned: life could be hard and senseless sometimes, but we must try to look for the positive point of view in every situation we could face with. In my case, I used this for making my family and people around me to laugh at that unlucky human being that I am. And that’s a good thing, I think.

Let’s start.

I’m not the kind of person who likes to get up early(pretty early, in my case) in the morning, with a splendid smile in the face and in a very good mood. Ok, no I’m not, but hey, I respect if you do (for God’s sake, do you???!!). So, when you’re that kind of person, who has to wake up early, but by chance, your mobile phone alarm clock doesn’t rings that day, even worse!, when you realize that it is 7 o’clock and you have already missed the bus that takes you to the university, in an important day, oh God, you just want to go back to bed! I ran behind the bus, I ran as I’ve never run before, but I missed the bus anyway.

And, as people always tell me, I’m different. Because that day(the-most-windy-day-I’ve-ever-seen) I should have stayed home, (like a sensible person would have done), instead of trying to get to college on foot… could I possibly be more silly? 3 kilometers in a windy day could seem years, trust me. So, that was me, with my heavy rucksack, my boundless folder full of papers (half of them went with the wind, obviously) and a dozen or handkerchiefs or so (as you imagine, I lost a pair or more in my way). Now I can understand the strange faces of people in the street watching me. But I just hate that! When you’re in your most ridiculous moment, making weird movements with your face and your body because of the wind, and noticing how people in their comfortable and warm cars are staring at you with a smile. You want to kill them, although only because you want to get in their cars and get warm.

Oh! Another thing to point out: do you know how hard it is to walk (or drag in my case) with strong head wind? Well, I do. It makes your progress slower, and I felt as if I was in the slow motion mode. Of course, it took me three more times to get to my destination, but I eventually did after 2 hours, hundreds of papers and a couple of scarves lost and being a bit humiliated.

“Ok, it was not that bad, I missed the first class, but at least I can attend the other ones”, I thought. Poor me. I didn’t know what was about to come. When I went upstairs to my next class, some of my classmates told me that the lesson had been suspended. Oh no. I started laughing and crying at the same time and they looked at me as if I was mad or something. Again. I started complaining about how I hated my life and that stuff but then I thought “hang on, you’re a strong (?) and mature(?) woman, you can deal with this.” So I recovered myself and went to do something productive with my desperation.

After been waiting during two unproductive hours, I could eventually attend my next class: Catalan language. Lucky me, because I have zero command on it and is my least favorite subject. Is not that I hate the language itself or something like that, it’s just not my cup of tea. And after 2 hours in the class my classmate and I were some kind of ‘ The Octopus Boy’ and ‘ The Sea Horse Girl’ trying to save the underwater depths and the marine life from the evil plankton. Uffffff… I’m sorry 'bout that. I guess those lessons are just too much for me.

I was intellectually exhausted when I got out to the class and after that I had to go to the Official Languages’ School for my Chinese lesson. But, as lucky as I am, I missed the bus that supposedly had to take me there. Again. I was about to give up and come back home when my little and stupid common sense told me that I definitely should go there. So I just did.

Unluckily, I don’t feel mentally strong enough to write all the misfortunes that happened later, so maybe I’ll post them tomorrow. I kind of feel miserable now!