Love, love, love...what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.

ANTHEA: “Oh! Seems that somebody likes you.”
PANDORA: “My boyfriend gave this to me. I only knew him for three days…Thomas…now he’s gone.”
ANTHEA: “But it was fun while it lasted, hmm? So much fun…”
PANDORA: “Yeah, it’s called love.”
ANTHEA: “Oh...that’s a big word.”
PANDORA: “I don’t know, four letters...…Ah.”

Yesterday afternoon, I had a very interesting and revealing chat with one of my best friends. We talked and rambled about love, relationships, emotions and how we like to complicate every little thing. I particularly found talking about all this stuff really corny, but I do love talking with this friend because we have conflicting thoughts about almost everything; everybody says that it’s hilarious seeing us arguing specially about these matters, and I always enjoy seeing other points of view that can make me think and question everything.
So, the thing is this: I have a very radical stance about love in relationships and over the years I am more and more convinced about my opinion. I don’t really think that love, as itself, exists actually. Of course, I am talking about love in couples not about other kinds of love as the one you can feel for your parents, sons or friends. I know that most people who may read this will think that this is so sad or that I haven’t live enough; I’m sick of hearing people telling me this all the time. But the truth is that it doesn’t matter how hard I try, every time I try to believe that yes, in fact love does actually exist, I face with the reality that I have been facing for all my life. This reality is very simple, but there is no doubt that it marked me so much that it made me be the way I am now. My parents got divorced when I was like 3 years old; it was a very traumatic experience for me, but it was even worse when they started to get on extremely badly with each other. They have been hating each other since then until today, after 16 years (unbelievable). I want to think that they did realized that I was in the f****** middle of everything, but actually they didn’t, because then I don’t explain how they allowed me to see all that hate between them. And my question is: how can you hate that much someone you have been crazy for? There must be something remaining there. Touché.
After that, my mom married again and got divorced again, and my father got married twice and divorced two times as well. None of these breaking ups were peaceful, of course. So there I was, growing up watching how my parents had love failures and telling me all the time that love was just a waste of time. And maybe they were right, I mean, in the end, love never lasts; daily routine and constant disappointments make love weaker over the years. One day, you find yourself wondering what the hell are you doing wasting your precious time next to somebody who doesn’t really makes you happy. As I once heard, can’t remember where exactly, at the precise moment when you ask yourself if you actually love that person, you have immediately stopped wanting her/him. I guess this is quite clear: when you are in love with someone you can’t even imagine that question, you are just feeling it.
So that is how I see it: people develop a crush on somebody just for a while but, love? Really? Let me doubt it. Furthermore, I think that well, it can be a good thing while you are super happy in love with your marvelous and loving boyfriend/girlfriend but as I see over and over again, people who are in love live in a permanent state of fear. They are afraid that their partner leave them for another person, because they got tired of him/her, or the worst in my opinion, you are just not good enough. I sick of listening to the friend who I mentioned above telling me how worried she is of losing her boyfriend and how insecure she feels about her since she started dating with him. I guess that nobody wants to get hurt. The funny thing is that they are very happy together, but anyway, the fear is hidden behind, right? Or maybe not. You never know what’s going on with feelings. What I definitely know is that I don’t want to feel miserable for nothing, I mean, there are so many things that are much more important that having love pain.
On the other hand, I constantly see those couples who apparently love each other. Then I can’t avoid starting wondering to myself, ok, what if IT does really exist? Just because I’ve never seen it around me, it doesn’t mean that love couldn’t be real. That is the endless argument I always have with everybody, especially with “oh-I’m-so-in-love-and-my-life-is-so-fantastic“ people. I would love to believe in love, so that I could understand so many things, but maybe my mind or myself are too plain to get it.
I feel like I’m going on and on for too long about this now, I’m even getting bored! (just kidding). In any case, I would like to end this thinking by saying that I’m very optimistic about all these things, I mean, even my mother, after all the incredibly bad luck she has had, is still believing that one day she will find the love in someone again. Maybe she’s right, or maybe not; one thing I know for sure, nobody wants to be alone. I’m on my way to believing.

“Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk, but

You, are, the only exception…”